


out of the loop

by Trabi



Category: The Man From U.N.C.L.E. (2015)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-28
Updated: 2020-07-28
Packaged: 2021-03-05 21:28:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,365
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25572100
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Trabi/pseuds/Trabi
Summary: After a holiday abroad, some things have changed back at HQ and Napoleon does not appreciate being left out.
Relationships: Illya Kuryakin/Gaby Teller
Comments: 6
Kudos: 56





	out of the loop

**Author's Note:**

> A silly WIP that got some finishing touches.

Napoleon shook off his umbrella and greeted the security desk with his customary nod. No need to show any ID. Everyone knew who he was. Yes, he had had a lovely holiday. Yes, it was good to be back.

UNCLE's top CIA recruit was back from the States, ready to charm the socks off of his colleagues with tales of the Big Apple. He imagined he was sorely missed. 

The door to the lift was already open and he strode in without checking to see who would be ascending the floors with him. He mentally sighed when he realized it was Janet, one of switchboard girls. A bit green, he now acknowledged to himself, and taking advantage of her youth and naivety was probably a mistake. She pushed her wire-rimmed glasses up bridge of her upturned nose and looked at the floor.

"Good morning Janet," he said with a strained smile.

She made a strangled noise of acknowledgement or possibly heartbroken anguish in response and carefully avoided looking at him. The lift's doors mercifully opened on the third floor and she nearly ran out with a broken sob. 

He cleared his throat as the doors closed and he caught a few glares from the secretarial pool settling in at their desks. 

Up on the fifth floor he prepared himself for a warmer welcome from his fellow field agents. He was a bit late, of course, but everyone had come to expect that from Napoleon Solo. 

Glancing about the empty hallways it appeared everyone was tucked away in their offices. He peeked his head into the tea room, expecting some biscuits, maybe even a pot of drip coffee specifically made for him. 

No dice.

Napoleon reluctantly prepared his own instant coffee and made his way down the hall past his own office and to the one directly across the way, announcing his arrival with a jaunty knock.

"Come in," he heard the voice say within.

Napoleon swung the door open and stepped inside Gaby's office with a welcoming grin.

"Miss me?"

Gaby was halfway out of her seat before she uttered an 'oh' and sat down.

"Hello Solo."

"Hello?" Napoleon's smile faded. "That's all I get? 'Hello'...like you're greeting the milkman? No 'It's so good to see you! How was New York?'. No 'I've missed you so much? How can you leave me here with these bores!'? It's been two weeks!"

"I've been busy," Gaby said with a shrug, looking back down at the surveillance photos scattered on her desk. "I honestly didn't think you'd be back until next week. Time flew..."

Napoleon sat in the chair in front of her desk. 

"I see I've made a few enemies downstairs."

"Stop poisoning the well Napoleon," Gaby sighed. "You'd think you would have learned that the first three times this has happened. Then maybe you'd have a few more people happy to see you."

Solo adjusted his tie. Maybe she had a point.

"Anything else happen while I was away?"

Gaby, eyes still fixed on the photos, shrugged again.

Napoleon sat, annoyed and abruptly got to his feet.

"Where are you going?" Gaby asked, finally looking up.

"To find someone who will actually give a damn that I'm back."

He walked out of Gaby's office and paused, then shook his head and returned to the lift. The doors opened to a splendid sight. Maud Wilkensen, Waverely's secretary and possibly Napoleon's greatest admirer. He would never dare 'poison' this well even though Gaby said that was only because Maud had been a secretary in the intelligence service since the Kaiser was the world's greatest threat.

"Agent Solo! Welcome back!" she greeted with all the enthusiasm Solo's ego had been hoping for. 

"Maud," Napoleon flashed his most charming smile and bent to kiss her cheek.

"How was New York? I'll ask the girls to put your coffee on for you," she fussed and Napoleon preened. "It's so good to have you back!"

"That would be _delightful_ ," he said. "And it's good to be back."

Jumping into the lift with a bit more pep in his step, Napoleon descended to the subterranean levels where he needed to enter a code to be released into R&D. The artificial light did him absolutely no favors but he rarely came down here but to look for his third favorite colleague after Maud and Gaby, of course.

In a small and cluttered room, hunched over a tiny camera was the massive man he was looking for. 

"Peril," he greeted, casually, as though he hadn't been gone for the best part of a month.

Illya looked up, magnifying glasses fixed ridiculously to his face. He grunted before returning to his meticulous work.

Napoleon's jaw tightened. "I guess I should be grateful for that level of enthusiasm," he tutted. "I got less out of Gaby."

Illya hummed in disinterest. "What would you have me do? Kiss you? Cry?" he scoffed. "You were in New York, not in gulag."

Napoleon crossed his arms and tapped his finger on the suit sleeve. 

"Maud's having coffee made...if you can be bothered to come upstairs. It would be nice if someone gave a rat's ass," he muttered, glancing at Peril's right hand poised over the microcamera and retreated out into the hallway to return to the lift. He was annoyed and something niggled at the back of his mind, irritating him even further. 

Napoleon was in the lift, rising back to the upper levels when he abruptly hit the emergency stop. He pressed the button for the lower levels and descended once again, punched in the code and ran down the hall to the R&D department.

Illya looked up from his gizmo when Solo reentered the room. Napoleon took one look at his colleague and barked a dry laugh of disbelief. He lifted his finger as though to say something he would probably regret and turned on his heel to leave the room.

Napoleon pressed the lift bottom half a dozen times as he waited for it to descend, got impatient and took the stairs. He ascended the stairs, three at a time. Two junior agents descending from the ground floor greeted him with the enthusiasm he had been expecting earlier, but he had no time for it.

"Not now!" he barked, brushing past them. 

He erupted onto the fifth floor and raced to Gaby's office, throwing open the door.

"Show me your hand!" he said breathlessly, startling Gaby at her desk.

She lifted her left hand.

"Your other hand!"

Gaby lifted her right hand and on the third finger was a gold band, smaller but nearly identical to one Illya had been wearing downstairs.

Napoleon scoffed in outrage. "Absolutely unbelievable! When were you going to tell me this?!"

"It didn't come up!" she barked back.

"Maybe when I asked 'anything else happen while I was away' your response should've have included you and Peril getting _married_! I'm gone for two weeks and this happens?!"

Gaby sipped her tea. "What do you expect? Invites to the wedding of the season at the Ritz? We're spies, Solo."

The lift chimed down the hall and a few moments later Illya appeared in Gaby's doorway. "What is wrong?" he asked.

"Does anyone else know about this?" Napoleon asked, grabbing Illya's right hand and showing him the ring.

"Oh," Illya said, feigning ignorance. "Of course. All of HQ knows."

Napoleon dropped Illya's hand. He looked from the Russian to the German in silent outrage. "You know," he began, "if it wasn't for _me_ , this," he indicted the space between his colleagues, "would never have happened."

Gaby laughed and Illya crossed his arms. "Is that so?"

"Yes," Napoleon hissed, backing out of the room. "Maybe you two can be bothered to send a telegram when your firstborn arrives. I'd appreciate it."

Stalking back to the lift Napoleon decided he'd go out for coffee. He was caught at the doors by Maud, once again.

"Oh! Agent Solo," she gasped. "I forgot to ask if you've heard the lovely news-"

"Yes, Maud, I'm now aware."

"An absolutely lovely surprise isn't it!"

Napoleon forced a smile. "Nothing I love more than a surprise, Maud."

**Author's Note:**

> Poor Napoleon. This is what you get for having secretive friends.


End file.
